Holy balls, Internets, it’s too cold outside. I used to do this for months — tolerate this kind of wind and cold. Now I wonder why anyone in a covered wagon would ever stop north of Dallas.
This morning’s shenanigans: Up at 5, gym at 5:30, then dogs to the park. I debated walking them vs. park, but park seemed faster. It was below freezing and the wind was fierce. I had on 2 sweatshirts under my coat, ear warmers, and a scarf wrapped around my face. We did one circuit of the park, then into the car. Again, in spite of the temperature, Molly swam in the creek. Doofus.
As soon as I closed the car door behind me, I realized that something had gone terribly wrong. Death. The car reeked of death. It was Molly.
She had gone into the woods and rolled in a corpse. In the remains of a dead thing. In decomposition. I hadn’t smelled it earlier due to the cold and wind.
It was bad, yo. Seriously barf-inducing. Bad. I didn’t roll down the car window because it was too cold, but it was vomit-inducing in there.
As soon as I got home, I gathered all of the towels I could find, then turned on the shower in the big tub, stripped, and hauled her huge ass into the shower with me. How much Garnier Fructis does it take to wash the stench of death off of Molly? Trick question. You can wash her with all of the Garneir Fructis you want. She’s still going to smell. The water that flowed off of her was brown. So gross. I scrubbed and scrubbed her, all the while hoping not to slip, fall, break my hip, and die. Eventually I discovered that Irish Spring can break down the molecules of death that cling after one rolls in a corpse.
Shockingly enough, I was still able to get dressed and get out of the house in time to be to work when I should have been, but some sort of traffic snafu fucked that up and I was half an hour late.
When I told the Rack about my morning adventure, she said that I was going in the right direction and perhaps a human would join me in the shower someday, or something of this sort. I hope that if this ever happens (not likely), that I won’t be scrubbing stink lines from this other hypothetical person. We’ll see.